So Confused

Friday, March 7, 2014

  This week has been so confusing.  I do love Chris so much but I hate the way things were when we were together.  I put so much time and energy into our relationship while he put very little, if any in.  In a perfect world I would say that we would get back together and he would have really changed like he says he has.  But I’m afraid that he hasn’t really changed for good and that he will turn back into that man he once was.  This is something that I just can’t handle or put myself through anymore.

    I think deep down in my heart he’s seen how hard it is to not have his family and is really willing to change for life.  But I’m going to have to wait till he comes home for good on the 13th to find out.  He’s going to have to prove it to me.  I will never be with another man that treats me like that.  I deserve to be treated great.  I have done a good job raising three children on my own, and picking up all the pieces with a smile on my face.  Sure I hit my bottom and I have days that are a lot harder than others, but still I’ve never given up.  

    He asked if I would ever consider moving in, and I told him no.  I want things to go slow; I don’t want to just give in.  He’s going to have to work harder this time.  For once I want to be the girl that some guy wants to take out on a date that is kind and wants to spend time with me.  I want someone to work hard to get me, I want to be the catch.  Then hopefully one day we will move in together, get engaged and then get married.  That would make me the happiest girl in the world. 

    His first test to see if he’s really changed is if he really talks to mom and apologizes to her in person.  Which I hope he does, I know as a mom she worries about me being with him.  And he hasn’t done a very good job at proving himself in the past.  So maybe this time he can get it right.  I’m not really sure how all that will go, but I guess we will find out. 

    It’s all just so confusing to me, because he is my soul mate; I can feel it deep down inside me.  Even when we break up something always brings us back together even if it’s years later, and somehow we both have the same feeling we did when we was together.  I just hope that if we do end up getting back together that he really has changed and that things will work out and be amazing!  Have any of you had any men trouble that you would like to share?


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

    Do you ever sit and just wonder how your life turned out the way it did?  Don’t get me wrong I love my children to death and I’m so glad they are in my life.  But I feel like I’ve just ran across this huge rock in my road of life.  I keep trying to make it over and around and just every which way to get over this rock.  But everything I try just keeps failing.  I just recently got out of a long, hard relationship.  You know the kind, the ones where you put all your love and energy into it, and end up not getting anything out of it (other than two of my three beautiful children).  It seems I’ve drained all my energy on it. 

    So now I’m living back at home with no money, no job, no anything.  I wish that I could just get out of this rut, get over this huge rock of my life.  I want more than anything to be able give my babies everything they could ever want, to not have to worry about not having money.  Or to stop putting stress onto the ones I love.  I know some of you reading this are thinking that I’m lazy, or possibly worthless.  But you have no idea what I’ve been through or the situation that I’m in.  My life went downhill fast in 2013.  It’s probably been the worst year of my life.  So I’m trying so hard to pick up the pieces and turn it all around in 2014.  I really feel like this is our year.  So many things are already turning around.  But it’s a very slow process.  And sometimes it just gets so tiring to be so strong all the time.

    If it wasn’t for my mother, I’m not sure where I would be right now.  Probably still in the same tiring, energy draining relationship.  I get my strength from her for sure.  She’s the strongest woman I know.  Sometimes I feel her disappointment in me.  But she even doesn’t know my past or things I’ve been through.  I’m just trying to burn all the old bad bridges, and build new better ones.  Ones that help, protect, and provide for me and my little angels.  I want to start over this year.  I want to do things right.  Even if it is a long process, I will continue on this road and wait till everything turns out right.  I can find the strength inside myself.  I can do this.  I will do this.  Things will start to look up for us.

    I know everyone has hard times, and I know that things could be worse for me.  And I’m very thankful for everything I have in my life.  If any of you are going through a hard time, and would like to share it, please do, and know you’re not alone.  I want this blog to represent the everyday mom.  The struggles we face in life, and within ourselves.  And the happy times, the little things our kids do that make us smile and life.  All moms and women are welcome, and I hope you feel welcome.

The Hulk Is Growing Up

Sunday, March 2, 2014

In two days my son will be two years old.  I’m so proud of the little boy that he’s become.  Yet at the same time I’m so sad to see him grow up so fast.  He’s gotten to the point where it’s hard to get him to give me kisses and cuddle, because he thinks he’s too big.  It really breaks my heart.  Most days he tries my patience, he’s definitely a boy with all his rough and tough playing (that usually drives his sisters crazy).  But he can also be so kind.  Sometimes when Chloe is crying he’ll say “mom sissy cryin’”.  Then he’ll go over and offer her his paci. 

    He knows apple starts with a.  He can count to 3, and is almost potty trained (but he keeps sliding).  He loves wearing his cowboy boots all the time, even to bed.  His hair is shaggy, and almost always tangled in the back, no matter how many times I brush it.  He loves playing with his and my hair when he’s tired, and won’t go to sleep without his paci.  He says please and thank you, tells you goodnight, and I love you.  Sometimes he’ll even pick up his toys after only telling him once.  He’ll eat about anything (or at least try it).  But he loves carrots, Salisbury steaks (you know the cheap kind that come frozen in the box lol), and macaroni and cheese, bread (he will take it out of the loaf and just eat it plain lol), and any kind of cheese.

    With all that being said please let me say I’m not trying to brag or make anyone feel bad if your child can’t do some of that.  Because we all know that children learn at different levels, and different times.  Trust me Banner has plenty of bad moments.  Like for example, I can’t keep him out of the A&D ointment or lotions.  He will get a hold of them and rub it all over himself.  He loves spray bottles (we have ones with dish soap and water in them for easy clean up), he will get them and spray everything.  I’m trying to get him to just take his paci when he sleeps, but it is incredibly hard.   He hardly ever listens!  Most of the time, I have to make him clean up his messes, because he won’t.  Or if I tell him to go use the potty he throws a huge fit, like sitting on the potty is going to kill him.  He throws fits and bits, pinches, and smacks his sisters, and really anyone.  He keeps getting in trouble for it, but nothing helps.  I’ve tried talking to him, giving him time out, smacking his hands, giving him a spanking, and biting him back but nothing works.  He’s really bad about getting into stuff he shouldn’t like purses, drawers, and stuff out of bedrooms.  But over all I’d say he’s just a normal little 2 year old boy, and I’m so happy he’s mine!  Happy 2nd birthday Banner!!  I love you little man!   What are the ages of your kids?

What A Day

Saturday, March 1, 2014

    What a day!  How was I to know that when I woke up this morning that today would be such a mess and so exhausting!  After several cups of coffee, getting everyone feed and dressed and happy, it was time for me to finally lay Banner down for a nap!  After I got him to sleep I decided that it was time for me to get a shower…ah at last!  I hadn’t had time to get a shower in 5 days!  Don’t judge me, when you are a single mom to 3 kids a shower is a luxury that I don’t always get!

    So as I proceeded to make sure my 5 year old daughter was happy with cartoons and my 6 month old daughter was happy with her bottle.  I then ran upstairs to hurry up and jump into the shower before all the happiness was disrupted.  While in the shower I thought I really need to shave my legs, but since my boyfriend was out of town, I thought why bother?  But I proceeded to do so any way.  Because I thought why not have nice soft legs just for me?  Well needless to say I wish I would’ve passed. 

    I got me a new razor because I couldn’t remember the last time I had changed mine, and proceeded to (what I thought at the time) do something nice for myself.  I would like to stat that I can’t remember the last time I have cut myself shaving.  It has to have been years!  Well as I proceeded to glide the new razor over my soapy, stubbly legs, I began to see several red spots.  I stopped to examine and to my surprise found that I had somehow cut myself at least 5 times on each leg! 

    How could this possibly happen?  I didn’t have the slightest clue, but it wasn’t the end of the world so I proceeded with the rest of my shower.  As the day went on I realized that cutting myself in the shower must be a bad omen or something because it only went down-hill from there!  My two oldest didn’t listen more than usual, they threw their toys at each other got several more time outs than usual.  My son who has been doing very well with potty training, peed in his pull-up more times than I’d like to admit.  And my usually very sweet, very quite 6 month old baby, became a very fussy mess! 

    I did my usual housework and went on with my day praying it would get better and if I could just please make till the end, then I would be forever thankful!  I went on to cook dinner, wash out the sink, wash the dishes, and scrub the shower (which left a pretty nasty rash on my hand).  And then finally it was that time, when everyone was fast asleep and it was time for me to relax, but instead I went to bed too!  Yeah I may be 22 but I have the energy of a 60 year old I guess lol.  That’s when I was awaken to someone saying “Rebecca, your boyfriend is on the phone.”  I had only been asleep for 30 mins.  And already I had to get up out of my comfortable warm bed!

    I was so tired I asked several times “who?”, then took the phone.  The voice on the other end was very excited, and energetic.  “Hey you, what are you doing?” he asked.  As I explained that I was sleeping, he said you must be really bored with me gone since it’s only 9:30 pm and your already asleep.  We both laughed (because I was bored without him, and because I’m just a tired old woman I guess lol).  He went on to tell me he would be home around 2pm tomorrow, and that he would be coming to see me as soon as possible because he missed me very much.

    So I guess every bad day has a little bit of something good in it.  Sometimes you have to look really hard for it, and some days its as simple as getting your tired ass out of bed to get the phone and hear someone you love say they love and miss you and are coming home!

Thermal-Aid *Review*

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

 *I was compensated in some way for this post please see below*
    Thermal-Aid recently sent me both their Bear and their Medium Sectional.  Unfortunately I've had the opportunity to try both out.  This because my 2 month old baby girl gets gas real easy, my 18 month old son is teething (he has 4 back teeth coming in at once), and recently my 5 year old daughter got an earache!  With all these crazy situations going on, I honestly don't know what I would've done without Thermal-Aid, or what I did before it!  Both products have made my life so much easier, and honestly I wish I would've found them a long time ago!
    Here is a little bit more about Thermal-Aid and their products:  Thermal-Aid is a 100% natural heating and cooling pack.  Sometimes nature needs a little science.  Our researchers worked closely with milling engineers using a unique patented process, which removes the embryo/germ tip cap and outer coat from each kernel of corn, leaving the purest and cleanest portion of the corn product.  This process hardens the specialized de-germinated corn, allowing it to hold temperatures evenly for long periods of time.  Thermal-Aid has 7 different animals.  They also have many uses some include, sprains, muscle soreness, headaches, growing pains, colic, earaches, bug bites, bee stings, flu symptoms, insomnia, sunburn, fever, lactation, menstrual cramps, back pain, and sciatic never pain due to pregnancy just to name a few.  There are many more uses for the Thermal-Aid products, I invite you to try them on any of your problems, and you may be surprised just how helpful they are!
    With my 2 month old, I warm up the Bear in the microwave and lay it on her stomach, or I'll heat up the Medium Sectional and lay her on her belly on it.  But I always make sure it's just warm, not hot!  For my 18 month old I warm up the Bear or the Medium Sectional in the microwave and have him hold either one on his cheeks so it helps his teeth.  Since my 5 year old had a fever and an earache, I put the Bear in the freezer overnight, and took it out and let her hug it to help her fever go down.  Then I warmed the Medium Sectional in the microwave and had her lay the ear that hurts on it.  Like I mentioned before the Thermal-Aid products have worked wonders for my kids!  The only complaint I have is that they don't stay hot or cold as long as I'd like them too.  But other than that they are miracle workers!  So overall I love the products, and would recommend them to anyone.  Especially those with children, because they definitely come in handy!  The Thermal-Aid animals retail for $14.95 plus $7.95 p&h.

*I recieved a Thermal-Aid Medium Sectional, and a Thermal-Aid Bear so I could do this review, no other compensation will be given. All opinions above are mine and mine alone!*

Personalized Gifts For Mom From Treat *Giveaway*

Monday, April 22, 2013


 *I was compensated in some way for this post please see below*

    In our family, it's become quite a tradition to send personalized gifts for holidays!  Because when you don't get to see each other very often (or even if you do) who doesn't love to receive a beautiful gift, or card with your loved ones pictures on it, or something special written inside?  One of my favorites, is the one I sent my mother a few years ago, it was a beautiful card with the kids pictures on it, and I wrote something personal and dear to my heart on the inside.  It just makes holidays that much more special!  That why this year for Mother's Day, I'll be sending out personalized cards again (and I hope to get some in return!).
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